Monster
by Hipster-Fish
Summary: Monster... how should I feel? Shizuo has made some bad decisions... Onshot, non-con, character death.


I was always a really violent kid. It wasn't really my fault... Everything just got on my damn nerves so much. But I guess my problems truly began when I tried to toss the fridge at my brother. Hey, don't laugh at me like that! It's true! Heh... I know it's stupid, but I truly did pick it up and was going to crush him with it. I'm just glad my bones broke when they did, otherwise who knows what I would have done afterwards, if Kasuka- No, I'm getting off topic.

After my bones healed, things just kept getting worse. A single word was all it took for that rage to surface, and my fists took control. I damaged classrooms, sidewalks, entire buildings... Hell, I destroyed my own body. My brain doesn't have some block or something – I remember Shinra explaining, but why the Hell should I remember? It's all the same in the end; I can use all my body's strength without effort, pretty much, but a kid's body isn't made to handle throwing full grown men across the block. I spent most of my time in hospital, really.

Then... well, something happened. I don't want to go into detail, but it shook me up real bad. I decided after that, if I can't hold back when I try to, I might as well stop trying. The result? You guessed it. More hospital time. I felt so stupid and useless, lying there like that. No one cared, is what I thought. Even now, I know that no one cares what happens to me.

People grew to be so afraid of me. "Watch out for Heiwajima Shizuo," they'd say. "He'll mess you up real bad," they'd say. It... It's not like I choose to be this way! I can't help it. But when I explode like that, well... I get satisfaction from seeing my antagonist cower. Of course afterwards I feel like hitting myself, but last time I did that I broke my knuckles, so yeah. But, is it wrong for me to feel that way? How SHOULD I feel? Hell, I'm not going to go around apologising to the assholes. It's their fault! They annoy me, they pay! ... Wait, that's not right... Gah, I need a smoke. Want one? Hm, suit yourself.

And that bastard Orihara Izaya doesn't help. Every time I think of him I... I want to wrench his head from his shoulders, and stuff it right up-! Oh, right, heh heh, sorry. But the loathing I carry for that man... Even after... that...

Well, I suppose I can tell you. I mean, you don't seem like the talkative type. Pretty much, I've always wondered what... 'it' felt like. You know what I mean? I've never really felt love in my life, people have only ever been afraid. I've never really had friends even, besides Shinra, and even then that was only because the damn sicko wanted to dissect me. So when I saw Izaya-kun, something about him just drew me in. And I hated that. I hated him from the moment I saw him, just as much as I desired him.

I reckon he could change the world if he wanted to, Izaya-kun. But he puts all his smarts into annoying me instead. Do you know how irritating that is, when the person you both can't stand and want to be closer to is constantly there, breathing down your neck? And he knows each of my beserk buttons too. EACH. AND. EVERY. ONE. And he exploits them constantly. Or... he used to, anyway...

It wasn't that long ago, I think. A couple of weeks, but I completely lost my nut at him. His own damn fault, insulting Kasuka, and then me. It's a death wish, and he knows this! Well, KNEW it... Anyway, he messed up that time. He messed up bad. As I said, I was out of control; I caught him, and I really pounded into him. I'm surprised I didn't kill the guy. Well, thinking about it, maybe that would have been better...

Izaya-kun being the man he is- ... was... Damn it, past and present tense! I'll put it bluntly. Izaya-kun was the type of man who jeered and laughed even when death was staring him in the face. I don't think he actually thought of himself as a human at all, the creep. But his biggest flaw was that he thought nothing could hurt him. A few bruises were all he could get.

I still remember what he said... his exact words. "What now, Shizu-chan? All tuckered out? Or do you want to do a few more punches for good measure?" His eye was swollen, the left one, and I'd chipped his right incisor. I'm surprised he still had teeth left, actually... But yeah. His comment made me even madder, but I knew that hitting him had no effect. I didn't know what to do. I considered killing him. But then I realised the result of that; the one person on Earth who I truly cared for would disappear. I couldn't handle the thought of that, and there was just this overflow of emotion.

... E-e-everything's a blur after that. It all happened so... qu-quickly... His screams and tears, an enormous feeling of pleasure, his... his pl-pleas for me to stop... I remember gagging him at one point, just to shut him up. But I didn't stop. I just... kept g-going...

I truly broke that man. He was never the same. I took him back to my place, to clean him up, you know? I couldn't just leave him after all. At the time, I truly believed this was love. I told Izaya-kun that over and over, how much I loved him, how happy we'd be together. He just sat there, like a doll. A porcelain doll that I had mishandled, broken beyond repair, left in a truly tattered state. I still can't really believe it. Am... am I that same man?

I forced him to stay with me. He agreed, or at least I made him agree. He was too scared to say no to anything I said. After a couple of days, I began noticing strange things. Izaya-kun was quiet, too quiet, never speaking except when I spoke to him. He hated my touch with a passion, freezing and breaking down whenever I so much as brushed past him in the doorways. I couldn't understand why he was so paranoid, so different.

It took his suicide for me to realise.

I found him on the floor in the kitchen. A knife was in his hand, rivers of red pouring from his wrists and neck. His skin was incredibly pale against the crimson... my little doll, smashed beyond repair. I held him close, cuddling in my arms. He was so small, so daintily built... I had never noticed it before. I had never seen him looking so fragile.

That was a week ago now. I can't stand the thought of what I did to him. What my deepest desire and dreams were... I turned them into his nightmares. He died because I was a stupid fool. I can't bear the sight of myself in the mirror. I truly am exactly what he called me... MONSTER.

_The bartender turned and left without another word. The Black Rider looked after him curiously, sensing that something was not quite right. Within those eyes was a certain look – that man was ready to die. Concerned, the Rider followed, keeping a safe distance back. She wasn't fast enough to save him._

_His apartment door was open, smoke pouring from the bathroom. Rushing in, the Rider saw a peculiar sight; a man in a bartender's uniform lying in a bath of flames, his face blank even as his skin charred and burned away. His eyes closed as he let out a sigh, then his breath stopped altogether._

_And Shizuo Heiwajima was no more._

* * *

><p>... Yeah. I can't write anything happy, haha.<p>

This was based off the song 'Monster' by Meg and Dia. When I heard it, the first verse and chorus just screamed out Shizuo to me, and I couldn't resist writing a story about it.

Please read and review! I'm always open to constructive critism, so any improvement tips you might have are very welcome.


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